Updated: Sep 19, 2018
By Kristin Sokol - Director of Online Dating Strategy
If you’ve been single for a long time, you know how difficult it is to get useful feedback about what you’re doing wrong when it comes to dating.
Your friends tell you it’s not you, it’s them. Guess what, chances are you share some responsibility in getting it wrong when it comes to dating and attracting your match.
Here’s a list of 8 common dating mistakes people make and how to get it right.
1. You describe yourself more like a dog than a date
It’s very common especially for women to describe themselves more like man’s best friend than a great date or a girl or boyfriend. If you say things like, I’m loyal, dependable and always kind, you might want to rethink your language.
So much of dating has to do with the chase. If you describe that the chase is already over from the second they hear about you, the opposite sex is already less interested in you. Instead, use action words about the way you are or interesting things you do or would like to do.
2. You have terrible photos
So many of our first or second impressions come from electronic sources. How’s your profile photo on facebook? Do you look your absolute best? You should. Are your teeth white, are your clothes flattering, is your hair working for you? All these things ARE in your control. If you don’t have a photo that flatters, get one.
How long has it been since you’ve scrolled through your own photos online? Friends often have a tendency to tag photos that we don’t always love. There’s a pretty good chance that the matches you’re interested in are looking you up online. Be sure you know what they might see. Go through your social media accounts and clean up unflattering photos.
3. You’re wearing the wrong clothes
If you’ve been wearing the same clothes and shoes since your mission or college, it’s time to go shopping. Wearing current clothes that fit well speaks volumes.
Being well dressed says you’re a confident, mentally healthy, financially stable person who understands the world and enjoys being a part of it. Don’t be afraid to invest in your own image. Looking great will yield dividends in others’ admiration for a lifetime.
4. Your hairstyle (or makeup) is having a conversation you don’t know about
Looking shaggy is not helpful in your quest to attract men or women in your league. If you’re waiting until it’s an absolute hair-mergency before you get a cut, you’ve already missed a lot of good first impression opportunities.
Schedule regular appointments with your stylist. Reschedule your next appointment before leaving the salon.
Women, what is your makeup saying? Wearing too much or too little makeup is not helping you win the war on loneliness. Visit a makeup counter, talk to your stylist or make an appointment with a makeup artist.
5. You’re too available
Don’t be willing to clear your calendar when your crush extends any invitation. Let them know you’d be delighted to fit them into your already full schedule.
For example: If they ask you to dinner, but you’d planned to attend a birthday party, don’t skip out. Let them know you have plans, but would be happy to get together after.
6. You’re trying too hard
Those of you who are guilty of coming on too strong (and you know who you are), your subtlety is more alluring than you might imagine. Nagging someone about spending time together, or repetitively asking for a date is NOT a winning formula. It’s hurting your reputation in your social circle.
Learn to take no for an answer and move on to greener pastures. If your crush declines and you walk away, the distance you’ve created has a better chance of bringing your crush back then persistent nagging.
7. You’re not trying hard enough
It’s okay to put effort into what you want. Having a crush on someone, but failing to show it in any real way is killing your chances of sparking a new relationship.
Give those you’re interested in good, lengthy eye contact, plenty of smiles and some causal touch. Make it obvious that you’re trying and that your friendly intention might be more.
8. You’re not looking in your league
If you’re trying to snag dates who possess skills, attributes and looks that are wholly unequal to yours, chances are you might be ignored or that you’ll feel inadequate most the time you’re with them.
Look for matches whose qualities are equivalent to your own. You’ll take comfort knowing it’s okay to be yourself.
If dating up is your goal, get anxiously engaged in acquiring the skills and attributes of those you’re interested in. Setting and reaching new goals will do a lot for your confidence and might help to get the attention of your top prospects.
The LDS Matchmaker team helps singles identify and overcome specific barriers every day. If you’re ready to take an introspective look at your dating approach and want real insights and action plans schedule a dating strategy session here.
The LDS Matchmaker has a staff full of professionals ranging from Dating Strategists, to Makeup Artists, Image Stylists, and Online Dating Experts, who are anxious to meet you. If you have questions about how we can help you email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
About the author: Kristin Sokol is the Director of Online Dating Strategy for The LDS Matchmaker. She’s also a published author and contributor for KSL and the Deseret Digital Media family. She’s made many guest appearances on KSL Radio and TV. Kristin met her awesome husband Steve as a result of Online dating more than a decade ago. Together they have two beautiful daughters.
Photo by: Aya Photography